Time for your weekly eSportsEdition horoscope from the diviner himself, Jungroan Lin. It just gets worse and worse every single week..
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Hopefully you haven’t fallen too far down the ladder since last consulting my prophetic advice. This week, stack your dynamic queue with as many of your friends as possible. If you don’t, I sense a disco Nunu getting ready to ruin your groovy vibes.
Champion of the Week: Braum
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
There is a slim chance that an LCS tryout opportunity is headed your way… extremely slim. But don’t let that dissuade you! You get your Bronze 5 butt out there and you’ll fit right in with the likes of Renegades, and I supposed Team Solomid who got utterly destroyed by them.
Champion of the Week: Renekton
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The rivers seem murkier than usual… Is baron secreting excess fluids these days, or is it just Taric getting people excited? Either way, stay as far away from big neutral objectives as you can. Take the turrets, stay in the lane, and you can maybe avoid a sticky situation.
Champion of the Week: Gangplank
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Bruh. Relax. It’s just a prank. People are going to have fun at your expense this week, and you will be the guying missing your flashes over the wall and air-balling skillshots. If you want to avert these situations, play Pantheon, and ruin everyone else’s day!
Champion of the Week: Pantheon
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Try a new off-role this week. I would really encourage you to fill in the tremendous void that demand for support currently experiences in dynamic queue. Maybe you’ll find out something that you’ve never found out before about yourself. Or maybe you’ll just feed incessantly (is this any different than usual?).
Champion of the Week: Aatrox
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Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Soil is your power this week. Play as many champions that interact with the ground as possible. Coincidentally, many of these fall into that metagame these young’un LCS players are raving about these days: Malphite, Rammus, Rek’sai). Get down and dirty, and find success muddling through your problems.
Champion of the Week: Azir
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Luck will be on your side in the coming days… but only if you can show your philanthropic heart off to others first. Mystery gift your close friends, and this ‘investment’ will turn out to be worth tenfold its original cash value. Make sure after each friendship tribute to play solo queue. You’re guaranteed to win 100% of your games roughly 50% of the time next week!
Champion of the Week: Master Yi
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Watch lots of montages right before you play. They’ll inspire you and expand your imagination to make plays that you would have never thought of making. One exception: Yasuo Montages. Trust me – if you’re not already proficient on him, all those videos will do is create and subsequently crush your hope.
Champion of the Week: Kassadin
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Take some time alone this week and explore League’s sandbox mode. It’s a great option for you to hone your individual skill without having to go into custom or normal games and strain endlessly in attempts to practice a single maneuver, followed by a 5 minute cooldown where you basically just watch paint dry. It’s definitely going to elevate your game to the next level!
Champion of the Week: Ao Shin
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Play no more than 2 games a day this week. Get some early spring sunshine on your face and hit the gym. Cutting season is about to start, and you’re going to want to grind now to look extra sexy for all the league hunnies and bunnies in a month or two.
Champion of the Week: Leona
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Be especially embracing this week, even to those who seem like they have no soul left. Although Janna mains are likely hollow on the inside, you should appreciate their outside ‘personality’ this week. E-L-E: Everybody Love Everybody.
Champion of the Week: Jhin
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You’re usually such a trendsetter, but don’t be afraid to follow the meta this week. There’s some interesting stuff that you’ve been reluctant to uncover in the past month or so, and by illuminating these possibilities, you open yourself up for exponential and enigmatic growth in all kinds of places… of your gameplay.
Champion of the Week: Poppy